Recently, Greg Thompson went on a trip to Vienna, where he saw some of my favorite people. I am under the impression everyone would have had a better time if it had been me visiting people instead of him, and this is not just coming from jealousy over the ease of travel in Europe. What follows is what I believe to be indisputable evidence of the superiority of myself as a travel friend. I will leave you to judge, but I think my argument is pretty soundly articulated and proven without a doubt.
1. My wardrobe is more colorful, if only slightly.
2. Occasionally during conversation I sprinkle in fun historical anecdotes and come on, who doesn't love a good story from antiquity?
3a. Greg is in a happy relationship, so he probably talks about Emily a lot. And that's got to be irritating. Love is insufferable.
3b. Being single myself, whenever I see an attractive male, I do uncontrollable and embarassing things like making audible noises of appreciation when I notice a bangin' back of a head or... occassionally I fall down.
Ok, let's be real. It's not like I need an excuse to fall down. It happens all the time. Wires on the ground, uneven pavement, stairs... there's really no limit to my continuing battle with gravity.
And while endlessly embarrassing for me, such instances are always quite hilarious for my companions.
4. I pack lightly. I can totally make a fast getaway if the need arises, and I don't judge. Greg's two bulky sweatshirts totally weigh him down.
5. I always have chapstick and loose personal boundaries. If a friend had chapped lips and need something to soothe that discomfort, I would have no problems sharing.
The only helpful thing Greg carries around with him is his Wetherspoons locator app.
6. After he is done laughing, Greg makes this odd sound that is like he's saying "It's..." and you think he's starting to say something so you shut up but he's not so it's just silent.
And that's a bit weird.
7. AMERICA
I think I've made my point. Next time you're thinking of taking a trip and considering a travel buddy, I hope you think of me over my very good friend Greg Thompson.
