My One Year Third-Wheel Anniversary

This past Tuesday marked a whole year of being in a relationship for Greg Thompson and his girlfriend. More importantly, this marked a consequent year of my role as Third Wheel, a responsibility I take on gladly and enthusiastically.
Even before they were officially together, I was taking pictures of them and shipping them as a couple. Because I'm a normal person.
They've come a long way from last March, when Emily and I dropped Greg off at a bus stop at the end of the night. I remember explicitly intentionally and obnoxiously ignoring Emily's "OH MY GAWD SARA YOU NEED TO LEAVE US ALONE" eyes and forcing my company upon them until his bus came. And I've been elbowing my way into their love ever since. Only not literally.
My duties as Officially Appointed Third Wheel include:
-chronicling the couple's escapades in an appropriately adorable way












usually this means taking pictures from behind them, leading to a lot of shots of their butts, which is a result I refer to as "unfortunate framing."
-listening to stories of the significant other when they feel particularly lonely (which is most of the time)
-make obligatory gagging noises when either one talks about feelings for the other. It's not my fault if you love my friend and that makes me a little nauseous. Everyone knows my thoughts on love (namely: it's gross.)
-taking the place of the other when they just happen to be permanently living on another continent. This typically manifests in a number of lunch dates and references to a fictional homosexual relationship meant to concern the other, even though the heterosexuality and monogamy of everyone involved is thoroughly established.

In about a month, Greg is visiting Emily's university, meaning I get to utilize my third-wheel skills to their full effect, as the triad will be back together. I'm a little out of practice, I need to train a little in order to fulfill my responsibilities when they are needed.
I think I'll go find a random couple walking around campus, and just throw my arms around their shoulders, and force my way into friendship. It probably helps that its Friday. Drunk people will be easier to befriend.

Traveling Is More Fun With Sara

Recently, Greg Thompson went on a trip to Vienna, where he saw some of my favorite people. I am under the impression everyone would have had a better time if it had been me visiting people instead of him, and this is not just coming from jealousy over the ease of travel in Europe. What follows is what I believe to be indisputable evidence of the superiority of myself as a travel friend. I will leave you to judge, but I think my argument is pretty soundly articulated and proven without a doubt.

1. My wardrobe is more colorful, if only slightly.
2. Occasionally during conversation I sprinkle in fun historical anecdotes and come on, who doesn't love a good story from antiquity?
3a. Greg is in a happy relationship, so he probably talks about Emily a lot. And that's got to be irritating. Love is insufferable.
3b. Being single myself, whenever I see an attractive male, I do uncontrollable and embarassing things like making audible noises of appreciation when I notice a bangin' back of a head or... occassionally I fall down.
Ok, let's be real. It's not like I need an excuse to fall down. It happens all the time. Wires on the ground, uneven pavement, stairs... there's really no limit to my continuing battle with gravity.
And while endlessly embarrassing for me, such instances are always quite hilarious for my companions.
4. I pack lightly. I can totally make a fast getaway if the need arises, and I don't judge. Greg's two bulky sweatshirts totally weigh him down.
5. I always have chapstick and loose personal boundaries. If a friend had chapped lips and need something to soothe that discomfort, I would have no problems sharing.
The only helpful thing Greg carries around with him is his Wetherspoons locator app.
6. After he is done laughing, Greg makes this odd sound that is like he's saying "It's..." and you think he's starting to say something so you shut up but he's not so it's just silent.
And that's a bit weird.
7. AMERICA

I think I've made my point. Next time you're thinking of taking a trip and considering a travel buddy, I hope you think of me over my very good friend Greg Thompson.