My One Year Third-Wheel Anniversary

This past Tuesday marked a whole year of being in a relationship for Greg Thompson and his girlfriend. More importantly, this marked a consequent year of my role as Third Wheel, a responsibility I take on gladly and enthusiastically.
Even before they were officially together, I was taking pictures of them and shipping them as a couple. Because I'm a normal person.
They've come a long way from last March, when Emily and I dropped Greg off at a bus stop at the end of the night. I remember explicitly intentionally and obnoxiously ignoring Emily's "OH MY GAWD SARA YOU NEED TO LEAVE US ALONE" eyes and forcing my company upon them until his bus came. And I've been elbowing my way into their love ever since. Only not literally.
My duties as Officially Appointed Third Wheel include:
-chronicling the couple's escapades in an appropriately adorable way












usually this means taking pictures from behind them, leading to a lot of shots of their butts, which is a result I refer to as "unfortunate framing."
-listening to stories of the significant other when they feel particularly lonely (which is most of the time)
-make obligatory gagging noises when either one talks about feelings for the other. It's not my fault if you love my friend and that makes me a little nauseous. Everyone knows my thoughts on love (namely: it's gross.)
-taking the place of the other when they just happen to be permanently living on another continent. This typically manifests in a number of lunch dates and references to a fictional homosexual relationship meant to concern the other, even though the heterosexuality and monogamy of everyone involved is thoroughly established.

In about a month, Greg is visiting Emily's university, meaning I get to utilize my third-wheel skills to their full effect, as the triad will be back together. I'm a little out of practice, I need to train a little in order to fulfill my responsibilities when they are needed.
I think I'll go find a random couple walking around campus, and just throw my arms around their shoulders, and force my way into friendship. It probably helps that its Friday. Drunk people will be easier to befriend.

Traveling Is More Fun With Sara

Recently, Greg Thompson went on a trip to Vienna, where he saw some of my favorite people. I am under the impression everyone would have had a better time if it had been me visiting people instead of him, and this is not just coming from jealousy over the ease of travel in Europe. What follows is what I believe to be indisputable evidence of the superiority of myself as a travel friend. I will leave you to judge, but I think my argument is pretty soundly articulated and proven without a doubt.

1. My wardrobe is more colorful, if only slightly.
2. Occasionally during conversation I sprinkle in fun historical anecdotes and come on, who doesn't love a good story from antiquity?
3a. Greg is in a happy relationship, so he probably talks about Emily a lot. And that's got to be irritating. Love is insufferable.
3b. Being single myself, whenever I see an attractive male, I do uncontrollable and embarassing things like making audible noises of appreciation when I notice a bangin' back of a head or... occassionally I fall down.
Ok, let's be real. It's not like I need an excuse to fall down. It happens all the time. Wires on the ground, uneven pavement, stairs... there's really no limit to my continuing battle with gravity.
And while endlessly embarrassing for me, such instances are always quite hilarious for my companions.
4. I pack lightly. I can totally make a fast getaway if the need arises, and I don't judge. Greg's two bulky sweatshirts totally weigh him down.
5. I always have chapstick and loose personal boundaries. If a friend had chapped lips and need something to soothe that discomfort, I would have no problems sharing.
The only helpful thing Greg carries around with him is his Wetherspoons locator app.
6. After he is done laughing, Greg makes this odd sound that is like he's saying "It's..." and you think he's starting to say something so you shut up but he's not so it's just silent.
And that's a bit weird.
7. AMERICA

I think I've made my point. Next time you're thinking of taking a trip and considering a travel buddy, I hope you think of me over my very good friend Greg Thompson.

Greg Thompson's 2011

2011 was a good year for Greg Thompson. Here are the high points:

-Greg graduated from university, it seemed like four times. I've used that joke before, but I stand by it.

-Greg traveled to Scotland, Spain, and then America twice. I think he probably has his priorities in the right place.

-He attended quite a few various internet gatherings, because that is just what he does.

-Greg moved back to his hometown, which is set in a very gorgeous location he does not fully appreciate.

-He did some work for charity, co-hosting a 24-hour radio show on red nose day, (which was the reason my friend ditched me under the pretense of "I'm sick." BOO YOU WHORE) and then made 12 videos in 12 hours for Children in Need.

-He got a job with the NHS, doing... things, I'm sure. Greg also got a job with the post office doing.... other things.

-Greg made some YouTube videos of him basically talking and... being Greg.

-He went to a YouTube gathering by the London Eye in January that would change his life because it was there that he...

-met his girlfriend

but more importantly,

-met me.

Greg Thompson Highlight Reel

It is Greg Thompson's birthday today. He is 22, and isn't that nice. In celebration of this occasion, and also because I have about three essays I don't want to write, I decided to recount my favorite Greg Thompson moments.

-On one spring evening in London, Greg and I were at a pub with some friends, and also a friend's co-worker who spent the majority of the night joking about how America pretty much sucks. Because he was fairly attractive and also because I do agree with this to some extent, after we left the co-worker at a Tube station, I let it be known I kind of liked him. Greg apparently decided it would by funny to scream "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH" in a very high-pitched voice so the guy turned around and saw us all laughing and staring at him. What a good friend.
*note* I looked up that guy on Facebook after that night and the only reason I didn't friend him was because his profile picture was one of those "I'm posing and taking a picture in the bathroom mirror" ones. And I have serious issues with that.

-For Red Nose Day last year, Greg co-hosted a 24-hour radio show and dedicated the song "American Girls" to his american girls, by which I'm assuming he meant me and Emily. It was cute.
*note* this is also the day Emily stayed back from a program party to listen to his show, meaning I was left mainly alone at the party, meaning it was the first time I drank too much and had a humiliating moment.

-One night Greg, Emily, and I were hanging out in a pub and Greg was entertaining himself by turning my camera on and off. I lamented how he was using up my batteries and decided he needed to buy me new ones. the next time I saw him he in fact did give me a package of new batteries that ended up not working at all. I tried to give them back, but he didn't want them. So we traded them back and forth for a while, until I eventually left the country and he was stuck in them. A few weeks later, I go visit Emily, who had stayed with Greg a week after our program ended. She told me Greg had sent her with a present for me, so I was pretty psyched. Needless to say, when the gift ended up being the batteries, many an expletive escaped my usually calm and censored composure.

-One day I was texting Greg, and finally decided to ask him why he always puts "xxx" after every text (because... he does that) and so he left it out of the next text and I've never seen something look so completely unnatural and wrong.

-One weekend last Spring, Greg's friend Dai was visiting him from Austria, and on Sunday, after already hanging out with them all day Saturday, Emily and I hung out with them all day. Because it was just the four of us and Greg and Emily were being all couple-y because they were newly an EGG, Dai and I bonded and that led to him visiting me in the summer and me @-replying him on Twitter more than is healthy and we're pretty much best friends forever no question. So this one's not really a Greg moment, but more of lack-of-Greg moment. Which works just as well.

But yeah. He's a good friend.

Those Closest to Greg Thompson Spill Important Secrets

Greg Thompson has friends. He also has people who are not his friends. Both these demographics are represented in the following questionnaire about various aspects of his existence. The respondents to the survey are:
The Blind Badger: Greg's girlfriend
Saving Private Turtle: one of my friends from home who has never met Greg Thompson in his life. I think he brings some objectivity to the whole event.
Christopher Columbus: a very good friend of Greg's.
I don't know why I gave them code names. *shrugs*

~~I think we all know Greg has a secret obsession with singing competition shows. The people who come from tiny towns and end up belting out a ballad always bring a tear to his British eye. Who is Greg Thompson's favorite X-Factor judge?
-TBB: I dont know who any of the x factor judges are
-SPT: I'd say it was that episode where they brought in the guest judge where it was totally the girl he just hooked up with in an "Egyptian Three Way" the night before.
-CC: I don't watch X-Factor, but I know there's this woman with a horrible accent. Cheryl Cole? So that's my answer.

~~This is one of the big questions. It's right up there with "Why are we here?" and "Where did Ryan Cabrera go?"............... Blue or grey sweatshirt?
-TBB:blue, obviously! it looks good with his eyes!
-SPT: I prefer the grey myself. It complements his toenails. I mean, eyes. He has eyes, right?
-CC: BLUE all the way! More or less proudly sponsored by SoulCal. Also I think the blue one has been around for longer.







~~Greg Thompson, along with the entirety of his mother country, has never been especially known for incredible athletic ability. In which sport does Greg succeed the least?
-TBB: quidditch duh
-SPT: Midget-tossing. While recently reinstated in Florida where the state was long banned, he is specifically barred from participating. It was considered pork-barrel legislation, but it was needed for District 18a to pass.
-CC:Formal dancing. No way he could pull off that.

~~Which of Greg’s Youtube video titles would correspond most easily to Redtube?(if you don't know what this is, DO NOT look it up)
-TBB: Haha the sexy love quiz
-SPT: The one where I had totally outrageous sex with that other guy
-CC: it's gotta be his "sexy love quiz"





~~If Greg had a pet hedgehog, what would he name it?
-TBB: The Blind Hedgehod inexplicably refrained from answering this question. I think it's safe to assume she had a traumatizing experience with a hedgehog early in life, and refuses to acknowledge their adorable existence now. Best to just let it go.
-SPT: He would name it Tails. He's not terribly creative, but also easily confused.
-CC: His hedgehog would be called Eoy cause that's the name he always wanted. No Gs or Rs to worry about.

~~If Greg Thompson was a transformer, what normal vehicle would he disguise himself as?
-TBB: a moped
-SPT: a card table
-CC: transformer greg would be a waffle van. it's like an icecream van, but with waffles. ("do you like waffles? yeah we like waffles! ..." is being used instead of the usual bell-jingle thing)

I should be in charge of everyone's relationships

Greg Thompson has a girlfriend. This girlfriend of his is my best friend. Over the past few months (6 months to be exact- it's apparently their anniversary today. Incidentally, six months is the first time it is all right in a relationship to celebrate an anniversary. People who get worked up over "OH it's our ten week-iversary!" make me want to punch brick walls.) whoa that parenthesis digression got out of hand. Starting over. Over the past few months the three of us have been disagreeing over the best couple name for the two of them (ignoring the fact that I kind of despise couple names because I have no soul and there's a cheese sandwich where my heart should be). The two of them seem to think Greg + Emily = Gremily. GREMILY. Like, what? Here. Here is what the world thinks of when they hear "gremily."That is a terrifying creature who feasts on the dreams of innocents and physically lacks the ability to love. It had every opportunity to do good but chooses instead to wreak havoc on picnics and moves plastic bottles from the recycling bin to the trash. Now I ask you: is this what you want your relationship associated with? I think not.

My alternative is Emily + Greg = EGG. Let me paint you this picture: it's a sunny morning, you're walking across the field holding hands with a hot farm boy, and the two of you collect the morning eggs in hand-woven baskets while kittens play with your shoelaces. That is completely lovely.
So instead of an internal image of a horrifying creature, you get this:
It's like that chick on the right is whispering, "I know we just hatched, but I love you more than anything."
So while Greg and Emily may claim "Oh, we're the couple, we should decide what our couple name is and your opinion is useless to us because we have superhuman couple powers and we're secretly Sean Penn and the woman who invented the windshield wiper Mary Anderson and you can't touch this duh-nuh-nuh-nuh" I believe I have presented my argument clearly and effectively and COME ON I'm totally right about this.

Also, the google image search for "hatched chicks" is completely and fantastically adorable.

I wasn't kidding

So I have this friend. And I also have this blog. (Well, not THIS one, but another one.) That's pretty much all the context you need for this story.
I used to write blog posts that involved this friend all the time, but since I no longer live in the same country as him, I now do not write about him with the consistency I used to. And this displeases him. Even when i was writing about him once a week, I would still get the question of "When's your next blog post about me?" Just yesterday I got that question again, through my-friend-his-girlfriend, and decided to do something about it. Because it wouldn't be fair to all three people who read my other blog if, I decided to create a blog based entirely around Greg Thompson and his shenanigans because that is a good and normal thing to do.

At the moment, Greg Thompson recently moved from London to his small hometown and is looking for a flat. He also just graduated from University for what seems like the third time (British graduations confuse me) and posted hilarious pictures from it. English guys look weird in graduation caps. True story.

Also, practically all the information I know about him now comes from my-friend-his-girlfriend. Those kids direct message each other on Twitter like rabbits. Yeah, that analogy totally works.